NO FORCING

seriously no forcing ?

why cant i feel it

u keep telling me to take med

and i have been telling u i dun wan it

then u ask me why 

well...

i told u i wasn't interested

and u ask me why again

because i am not interested !!!

is there a reason why u are not interested in something ?

so i told u straight in the face

even if i do go

i am not doing it cause i wanted to help ppl

or some noble reasons

then u ask me

then why are u gonna study that if that is not the reason

CAUSE U PPL WANTED ME TO

CAUSE IT IS UR DREAM

AND U KEEP TELLING ME LIKE I NEED TO FULFILL IT FOR U

LIKE I HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY TO 

AND U TELLING ME THIS IS NOT FORCING

U PPL MAKE IT SOUND LIKE SO EASY

LIKE NOT A BIG DEAL

LIKE I AM SUPPOSE TO DO IT

LIKE IF I DIN I LET EVERYONE DOWN

i never said all this out

but i nearly cried thinking this in my mind at that moment

do ppl really think it is real easy

to study it?

to not being pressure when i am doing it ?

to memorise the whole stack of anatomy or wadever book ?

and even if i graduate successfully

to face the patient's family when they are completely depending on u when they are helpless and perhaps hopeless ?

to face the rest of my life doing something i dun like ? 

i am the one facing it

i am the one living my life

i really dun understand

dun understand 

and never ever will

PUNCTUALITY

cant stand this whole gonna b late thingy soon

punctuality is like the most basic 'manners'

being late is like so impolite

and there u go

always late no matter when and where

it's amazing how consistent it can b la

if u arranged a gathering

then set a time u can reach in time

wth is the use of saying a time

when u add a 'i am gonna b late' kind of thing behind

just tell me wad time u arriving la !!!

oh please

being so annoyed 

because i am always the one waiting

masa itu emas, tau ?

and the price of gold is like increasing rapidly nowadays

GROWN UP

just two years

but why do i feel like so old 

nothing seems to affect me tat much like last time 

seeing things much peacefully

nothing can agitate me that much

mayb a little :P

no more those idol feelings

no more crying in the middle of nite

just going through life with no much feeling

is it a good thing ?

or i should b a little more enthusiastic in everything ?

is it a maturing process ?

a growing up thing ?

thinking back those days in convent

makes me feel i wasn't really an adult back then

so immature

but things were simple

easier to b satisfied and happier

so mayb being immature wasn't such a bad thing X)

ps: everyone become so pretty except me... haizzzzzzz

PESSIMIST

a typical one

till now haven found anyone like me

i dunnu wad is a blessing in disguise

i just look at the present

and say OH DAMN SHIT

and think that future is shitter

thats wad happening now

worse still

i cant stand making myself more miserable

so i cause trouble for others

hmmmm

some ppl call this straight-forward

speaking out our mind

and well everyone tells u it's a good thing

"WOW u are not fake !!!"

"u are being urself !!!"

YEAH RITE

then why are u shunning away

when i say wad i doesnt want in my view

arent i suppose to be protecting myself

when nothing gets into ur way

u gladly use me

when i just voicing out a tiny bit of opinion

u giving that kind of look

i am the one thinking too much ?

wad i am saying is reasonable

not that u will lost anything

just make sure everyone gets their best thing

since i can cooperate with u

doing stuff for ur convenience

cant u do it for me ?

this world is getting darker

sometimes i rather my heart is blind

since it doesnt make any difference

IDOLS

i think u can say i have a weird taste

but seriously i dun look much for appearance

character > looks

especially funny ppl

hmmmmmmm

. . . . . .

ok fine

recently i become a new fan of 黄子华

THROAT

my throat been asking leave from me

not really asking 

nearly died (no kidding)

having fever for 2 days

and well....

the most awesomeness thing that could have happen

just have to happen on that 2 days

mayb i should stop torturing my own body

then it wont keep blinking red light

came so sudden that i got blinded

SELF REMINDER

cherish what myself have now

and stop appreciating what others have

(damn.. seriously what they have is none of my business)

DECISIONS

hardest thing to do

DECIDING

the older we are 

the more responsibilities we have to bear

and it all comes with decision

for someone like me

dunnu what i want

and what i can do

should i listen to others ?

should i listen to my heart ?

should i listen to my brain ?

are my thinking relevant ?

what if it doesnt work ?

am i being too pessimistic ?

ya see...

this is what happen when i try to think

imagine making a decision

how am i suppose to do it ?