无助

无助

这种感觉是最辛苦的

因为你真的不懂该怎么办

特别是不能靠别人的时候

就只能改变自己的想法

让自己活得更开心 

头脑有很多想法

我不停的思考

不停的反复问自己 

我要的是什么

好 这个我知道了

可是办不到 那该怎么办

我就决定了第二个选择

现在开始后悔了

为什么

因为课程吗

好像不是 

或许我逃避的根本就只是不想离家吧

呵 现在发现好像很傻

离家是必须的 只不过时间上有差别罢了

或许我就是习惯了这种逃避的方式

从小我就养成的坏习惯

恍然大悟阿

这样根本就没什么好烦恼的不是吗

我是这样说服我自己

人总会长大

而那种长大时外界影响的

我不是说那种看得到的

不过久而久之

偶尔回头看一看 想一想

会发现：我变了

变得更坚强 更能承担更多的事情

哭得比较少 学会了比较多

更勇敢 更愿意尝试更多的事情

因为没有事是不可能的

感谢高三锻炼了我

更能忍耐 发现到比起高二 我能更强

17岁那年 我们都以为自己已到达极限

19岁那年 才发现原来一切都只是刚要开始

我或许比别人慢了些

但是很庆幸 我至少领悟到了这么深奥的道理

希望此时此刻的想法能一直保留着

让我勇敢的面对所有事物

我想要勇敢的挥霍我的青春

而不是以后回头时有一丝丝的悔恨

只活在当下 反正只有时间才能告诉我以后的事

不许去多猜测未来 特别是像我这种消极到半死的家伙

做好现在应该做的才是活着的意义

不去担心 才能好好的享受

人生没有我想的那么悲观

希望所有事都想当初策划的一样顺利！！！！ 

WISH

wish there is someone who know me

know wad i am really thinking 

know how i really feel

know why am i doing this

lazy to explain

lazy to tell

since wad i say u wont listen

how i feel u wont care

even after u listen 

after u know

u dun even bother

RESULTS

results coming out soon

scary la 

this fri then march d

so should be in few weeks time

pls dun come out when i am in tw !!!

>< 

so this fri got edu fair in singapore

dunnu who i should go with

wad kind of course should i search for ?

hmmmmm

IN BIG TROUBLE

NO FORCING

seriously no forcing ?

why cant i feel it

u keep telling me to take med

and i have been telling u i dun wan it

then u ask me why 

well...

i told u i wasn't interested

and u ask me why again

because i am not interested !!!

is there a reason why u are not interested in something ?

so i told u straight in the face

even if i do go

i am not doing it cause i wanted to help ppl

or some noble reasons

then u ask me

then why are u gonna study that if that is not the reason

CAUSE U PPL WANTED ME TO

CAUSE IT IS UR DREAM

AND U KEEP TELLING ME LIKE I NEED TO FULFILL IT FOR U

LIKE I HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY TO 

AND U TELLING ME THIS IS NOT FORCING

U PPL MAKE IT SOUND LIKE SO EASY

LIKE NOT A BIG DEAL

LIKE I AM SUPPOSE TO DO IT

LIKE IF I DIN I LET EVERYONE DOWN

i never said all this out

but i nearly cried thinking this in my mind at that moment

do ppl really think it is real easy

to study it?

to not being pressure when i am doing it ?

to memorise the whole stack of anatomy or wadever book ?

and even if i graduate successfully

to face the patient's family when they are completely depending on u when they are helpless and perhaps hopeless ?

to face the rest of my life doing something i dun like ? 

i am the one facing it

i am the one living my life

i really dun understand

dun understand 

and never ever will

PUNCTUALITY

cant stand this whole gonna b late thingy soon

punctuality is like the most basic 'manners'

being late is like so impolite

and there u go

always late no matter when and where

it's amazing how consistent it can b la

if u arranged a gathering

then set a time u can reach in time

wth is the use of saying a time

when u add a 'i am gonna b late' kind of thing behind

just tell me wad time u arriving la !!!

oh please

being so annoyed 

because i am always the one waiting

masa itu emas, tau ?

and the price of gold is like increasing rapidly nowadays

GROWN UP

just two years

but why do i feel like so old 

nothing seems to affect me tat much like last time 

seeing things much peacefully

nothing can agitate me that much

mayb a little :P

no more those idol feelings

no more crying in the middle of nite

just going through life with no much feeling

is it a good thing ?

or i should b a little more enthusiastic in everything ?

is it a maturing process ?

a growing up thing ?

thinking back those days in convent

makes me feel i wasn't really an adult back then

so immature

but things were simple

easier to b satisfied and happier

so mayb being immature wasn't such a bad thing X)

ps: everyone become so pretty except me... haizzzzzzz

PESSIMIST

a typical one

till now haven found anyone like me

i dunnu wad is a blessing in disguise

i just look at the present

and say OH DAMN SHIT

and think that future is shitter

thats wad happening now

worse still

i cant stand making myself more miserable

so i cause trouble for others

hmmmm

some ppl call this straight-forward

speaking out our mind

and well everyone tells u it's a good thing

"WOW u are not fake !!!"

"u are being urself !!!"

YEAH RITE

then why are u shunning away

when i say wad i doesnt want in my view

arent i suppose to be protecting myself

when nothing gets into ur way

u gladly use me

when i just voicing out a tiny bit of opinion

u giving that kind of look

i am the one thinking too much ?

wad i am saying is reasonable

not that u will lost anything

just make sure everyone gets their best thing

since i can cooperate with u

doing stuff for ur convenience

cant u do it for me ?

this world is getting darker

sometimes i rather my heart is blind

since it doesnt make any difference